Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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