Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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