I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
