I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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