I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
