she was so not down for the gang bang
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
