He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
