He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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