Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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