she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
