Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
