how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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