if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
