If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
