Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he shaved USA in his pubs
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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