Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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