dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
