I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
