it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
