...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
