i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
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First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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