He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
