there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
