In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
