i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
