We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
