i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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