I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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