i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
