You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
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when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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