that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
