I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think people are normalizing furries
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
