I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
