And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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