I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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