The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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