Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
