so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
