I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
