im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
