I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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