People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Ketchup is God's man juice
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
