Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
