I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
