ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
