I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
