i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
