i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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