Having a random hookup so left but love u
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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