the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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