Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
