my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
