I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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