Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
