This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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