he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He passed out mid-signature
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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