Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
