If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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